


Straight on 'Til Morning

by SunriseinSpace



Series: that place between sleep and awake [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: DEFINITE SPOILERS, DEFINITELY NOT A FIX-IT FIC, M/M, might even be a broke-it-even-worse fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-09
Updated: 2012-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:16:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunriseinSpace/pseuds/SunriseinSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He reaches for the envelope and breaks the seal on the back, thumbing the tiny heart sketched onto the point of the flap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Straight on 'Til Morning

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS. NOT EVEN KIDDING, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE, DO NOT READ.
> 
> That said, the title comes from the phrase, "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning," which of course comes from J.M. Barrie's _Peter Pan_.

 

 

 

 

Phil's gone.

Phil's gone.

Phil's gone.

It's a mantra in his head, a metronome, roiling thunder in the back of his mind and he can't escape it.

_Phil Coulson is dead._

\--

"He wanted you to have this," Cap says, looking sad and unsure, awkward in his torn uniform, with his soot-streaked hair. He hasn't even taken the time to change or wash his face and Clint doesn't know whether to feel honored or gut-punched by it. He stares down at the tiny white envelope pinched between Steve's fingers. His name's written on the front, just the first one - 'Clint', in tiny, ineffably familiar penstrokes.

"How--" Clint clears his throat, trying to rid his voice of the rusty edge it's acquired.

"It was in his file," Steve answers quickly, saving him from having to ask it. "All of it, everything since Budapest." And a smile twitches across Clint's face at the reference. Budapest really was where all of this started. He refocuses his attention when Steve draws himself up to his full height, back straight at attention. "I am sorry for your loss, Agent Barton," he says, solemn and sincere and so damn understanding Clint wants to punch him for it.

"Thank you, Captain," he responds instead, snapping off a brief salute. "I'm glad it was you." He reaches out and pats Steve's arm, then turns and heads down the hallway to the quarters he's been given, envelope clenched tight in his hand as he walks away from Steve's sympathy.

\--

Sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees, chin on his laced fingers, he stares at the envelope. It's resting propped up on the desk, his name staring back at him as he gathers his courage and pins it to the sticking place. He's more terrified of Phil's 'after' note than anything Loki ever threatened to do to him. But they wrote these notes for a reason, which reminds him - he needs to pull Phil's note out of his file, now. He scrubs a hand over his face, pressing on his eyes until rainbows shatter in the darkness behind his lids, and sighs, trying to push away the grief trying to swamp him.

He reaches for the envelope and breaks the seal on the back, thumbing the tiny heart sketched onto the point of the flap. He closes his eyes, pulls out the single page. Reads it. Stares blankly at the sheet while his heart thuds hollowly in his chest. Reads it again.

The wall between him and the grief disappears and reality washes in. He chokes, coughing on the lump in his throat as the paper flutters out of his fingers and floats to the floor. He buries his face in his hands, eyes clenched shut as tears pour down his cheeks, teeth gritted against the urge to wail, to keen his broken heart. One word escapes as he curls over, arms over his head and face turned to the wall as he tries to hide himself away from the cold, empty world.

_"Phil."_

\--

_"'You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting.' --Phil"_

 

 

 

_  
_

**Author's Note:**

> Quote from _Peter Pan_ , by J.M. Barrie.


End file.
